My Scapegoat Sister – Part 1 – “It isn’t just the golden children that become narcissists”

Growing up, we were close, both in age, and emotionally. We have always been mistaken as twins, and still to this day somebody will call one of us by the other’s name.

I noticed things changing when she became a teenager and was drinking a lot and getting into trouble. Contrary to what you hear about scapegoats being the truth tellers and empaths, and the one with all the good qualities that the narcissist wishes they had, she actually did do bad things. It wasn’t all just lies of the narcissistic mother and the golden child sister.

When I was 14 she took me to a party where she got drunk and proceeded to make out with guys all over the place. I had a couple of beers, felt sick, went outside to puke and some older boy/man tried to grab me and kiss me. She was supposed to be watching out for me. She laughed when I told her what happened.

She has slept with at least 3 of my boyfriends, and was talking on the phone at night to a man I was living with and neither of them told me about it. When I found out, I blamed her. I now know that this man was a narcissist and was probably using both of us. That doesn’t let her off the hook though.

I know for a fact that she slept with my boyfriend when I was 19 years old, because I caught them in bed together. She tries now to say it never happened. Nice try. Liar!

Just because somebody was a scapegoat doesn’t automatically make them a good person. I feel bad for her because I now understand what happened to her, but for her to lie and not take responsibility, to this day, for what she did to me is unacceptable.

I was not a fucked up asshole golden child. I may have thought that I was a golden child, because there was no doubt that she was the scapegoat, but I think the case may be that I was actually a real good ass kisser so that I wouldn’t get abused. I happen to think that was smart on my part at a time when I couldn’t have gone no contact, and would only endure more abuse if I didn’t do that to protect myself.

I will never understand the child that is getting abused and will continue to do things to make life even more difficult for themselves. That was my scapegoat sister.

We were at a family gathering at my grandparents home a few years ago, and I was in the kitchen being a good lost child, doing the dishes, staying in the background. She comes in and starts telling me I’m being an ass kisser. I told her to go and fuck herself.

She has always been loud, obnoxious, and I believe she is a borderline. She will yell, scream, swear, and then say you are living in the past when you try to talk about things with her. It could be that she became a narcissist herself just like my narcissistic mother who was also the scapegoat of her family. It isn’t just the golden children that become narcissists.

I have forgiven her for so many things, so many times, that I don’t know if I can do it anymore. She even tried to make me drown when I was little and didn’t know how to swim yet. My dad saved me. I fucking saw what she did. I fucking know it was on purpose. She has been trying to hurt me and inflict pain on me since I was born, probably because I was born.

Yes, I know she was a child then, but she was still evil towards me. No doubt about it.

When her children were abused, I took them all into my house, her and her children. When she kept going back to the man who abused her children, I tried to talk reason to her. Her kids got taken into care because of it.

I’m sorry if this seems harsh, and if it seems all over the place. I’m just writing as it is coming to me. I am having a lot of old memories coming back now. Things I forgot about since the discard.

This is just part 1. There will be more.

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When the Narcissistic Mother Hoovers

I got a text from my narcissistic mother on Sunday. I haven’t received any communication from her for over a year because I had her blocked from my phone. Somehow, she got through anyway.

I am feeling very triggered by this. I keep catching myself getting pulled into an emotional flashback several times a day. I’m getting better at recognizing the signs before getting pulled down the rabbit hole again.

Anyhow, here is me talking about when my narcissistic mother tried to hoover me 3 days ago.

Narcissistic Abuse: My Golden Child Sister

I always looked up to her. I always sought her opinion on important matters. I always looked forward to sharing things with her, and having long talks with her about whatever. I always had her best interests at heart.

That was until, I realized the truth.

When my golden child sister and narcissistic mother discarded me in June 2015, it literally felt like my whole world had been ripped out from underneath me. I was very confused, and to say I was hurt would be an understatement. I was devastated!

It’s funny how just when it feels like your whole world is coming to an end, is when you finally get the answers to all of life’s unanswered questions! After an obsessive (I kid you not) amount of research, I realized they both have narcissistic personality disorder, and that I was suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I decided it was best for my mental health to go no contact with them. I haven’t spoken to either of them in person since September 2015.

One year later….

I get an email from the golden child sister telling me that she misses me and she loves me. The part that is blanked out between her message and the x’s and o’s is my childhood nickname.

goldenchildemail

At first, (I’ll admit) I cried.

After I had time to let it sink in, I began to wonder what she wanted. She must want something. Could it just be supply?

It would be very easy to get all emotional and sentimental, and get sucked right back into the family dysfunction. But, I’ve spent way too many hours learning about this disorder and what being abused by them has done to me to just roll over and let them do it to me all over again. That’s not going to happen. This former quasi golden child/lost child/scapegoat is fully awake.

I have to remember that both my mother and my golden child sister fit the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. They are incapable of real love or empathy. The words she used in her email were carefully crafted in order to induce an emotional response from me.

They want something from me. They’re looking for some supply. I have nothing to give them.

I have chosen to remain NO CONTACT!

No-contact