Narcissism: I’m the Lost Child of my family

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I think I was wrong about being a former golden child. I don’t think I ever was. I was/am the lost child. I was/am shy and introverted. I worshiped my narcissistic mother and narcissistic golden child sister so they would love me. When I began to speak up and call them on their bullshit, they began turning me into the scapegoat.

It makes even more sense now. I thought they were like best friends to me. I can see now that it was very one sided, with both of them.

The more I read about dysfunctional families with narcissistic mothers,  the more I learn about myself and my crazy family.  The more I put myself in the company of my mother,  the more I believe this is really true.

~ Poking Holes ~

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Narcissism: No Contact

I tried to go no contact with my narc mom and narc golden child sister. I thought it would be good for me to stay away for a while.

Then, I decided I’m too sentimental to do that to my family. Maybe I’m wrong about them. I love them so much and the 3 of us used to be so close.

So, off I went with my young son to visit my narc mom after school yesterday. I was having a particularly good day, so I thought nothing could upset me. Man, was I wrong.

After informing me about her latest medical visit, she then went on to tell me that she and narc golden child sister were heading out of town on the morning of my son’s birthday. He’s turning 6. The last time I saw them we talked about his birthday, and they both said they’d be there. I don’t think this is a coincidence.

I tried to hold it in, but the tears started to escape from the corners of my eyes. I wish I could have just said, “oh ya, that’s nice. I’ll bring the little man by to see you before you leave”.  But, no.

I thought the 3 of us were so close that nothing could change that. I was wrong. I’m still trying to figure it all out, but I believe my narc golden child sister intended to get rid of me when she suggested I apply for a job out of town. I looked up to her, so I stupidly listened.  I got the job, moved away, and just moved back after 9 years away from home.

I feel so hurt and confused. It feels like they hate me, and I don’t know what I did to make them turn on me.

I told my mom when I left that I love her, but I can’t see her anymore. It kills me because she is 80 and has ongoing health issues, but I need to look after me and focus on being a good mom to my little man.

Here’s to no contact.

~ Poking Holes ~